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IS THAT A BICEP?

Well...Here I am...feeling a little better than I did when I logged my last entry. When I first agreed to come to BR and blog my experiences, I promised myself that it would take baby steps to get fit and not to expect too much with the ìweightî thing. Little "hiccups" like that should not be so devastating [remember the mantra: ...overall health...not just weight; overall health...not just weight]. So, for awhile, I need to stay away from the scale so I don't throw myself over the edge with every little disappointment...and I need to find joy in the little successes ~ like BICEPS! OK not Schwarzenegger biceps, but definitely biceps. I saw them when I was blow drying my hair, can you believe it? Wow! How cool is that? The floppy triceps are still there, but if I keep it up with those S&M strappy things at the BR, maybe they'll firm up, too! I've just found my little success story ... :-)

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THE DREADED SCALE

At a follow-up appt. with my doctor, I was thrilled to note that I'd dropped a couple of pounds since my initial appointment the prior week. That first appointment was so depressing... much to my horror, I weigh much more than I'd feared. But, here I am now, a week later and a couple of pounds lighter. Life is good - are those birds I hear singing? So, as I rush out of there to get to work, there's a little smile on my face, a little spring in my step, and (dare I say), a little "sass" in my swing. I am "smokin'." Now, you also should know that I first got on the scale at BR, with the Coach so graciously hiding the shock of it all, around the same time as my first doctor's appointment, and my weight at both places was the same. So for the first time since I started at BR, I'm actually anxious to get there after work so I can show off. I worked out extra hard with Monica... Ahem, "Monica, can you 'whip out' the scale before I leave to document my weight?" I say coyly. I confidently hop on and...WHAT THE????????? Up two pounds? NO WAY! There's something wrong! Is there a hidden camera somewhere? Where are the singing birds? I hate the scale...

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COUNTING GRAPES

I recently saw a stand-up comedienne on Comedy Central with a very funny routine...she was referring to anorexics who literally count grapes before they "indulge." Her take? "I think of grapes as a palate cleanser...to get the Big Mac taste out of my mouth!" Ha! I laughed so hard, then I thought...Jeez! Do I have to write EVERYTHING down in the food diary? Counting grapes? Can't I do a "just about" entry? You know, just about a bunch of grapes...just about a "serving" of cereal...just about a slab of ribs?

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Before you start reading about my experiences at Breathingroom Studios, I thought you should know a little bit about me.

My name is Sheila Sisko. The second of 6 kids, I was born on the little island of Okinawa almost 50 years ago. As I'm the middle of 3 girls, (and the middle of the 3 oldest kids, confusing I know!) I always considered myself a "middle child". After my dad died, when I was 14, my family moved to California, and I ended up in high school in Concord. After graduation, the family moved to San Francisco, and I went to City College and got my AA degree. After two exciting years of working out in the "real world", I moved to Southern California in search of more independence (i.e. more miles between me and my family, wink) and adventure. (Ok, ok, YES, there was a boy involved). Clearly, I hadn't developed all of my brain cells at that point. Naturally, this boyfriend turned out to be a bust, but I loved Southern California enough to stay, eventually got married and had two boys before returning to the Bay Area in 1994.

I've lived the typical life of wife and working mom, throwing myself into my kids' school and athletic activities, juggling work and home, simultaneously trying to hang onto my own identity and purpose. Cut to 2006 - my boys are now 18 and 20, I'm single again (yay or yikes?), and facing another new chapter of my life, as my boys launch themselves into their own adult, independent (hopefully!) lives.

what's next?

When I was little, like most young girls, I'd always wanted to be a princess. All those fairy tales promised I'd be swept away by Prince Charming and live happily ever after. Well, to roughly quote John Lennon "life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans"! Suddenly, I'm almost a half century old (although I don't feel like it), and the fact that my little boys are now young men, tells me that time does, indeed, march on. After the demise of my marriage, I started taking stock in MY life, MY health, MY future, MY happiness. I found one thing from my childhood has really come true ... I look like a Princess! Really ... A PRINCESS. Unfortunately, I look like Princess Fiona from "Shrek" AFTER THE SUN GOES DOWN!!! What in the world happened?????? I know I've never been svelte and dainty, but I'm beginning to morph into Fiona, and must do something to stop this downhill slide - FAST.

So, in search of myself, my WHOLE self, I have come to realize and accept some hard and true facts. Here they are (not in any particular order) ...

1.   I will be 50 years old very soon. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, especially considering the alternative. Plus, I'm learning to embrace the fact that along with age come wisdom and knowledge. I'm actually beginning to enjoy my new-found independence and maturity. I LOVE the fact that I've got two great young men for sons, and that I'm still young enough to vicariously enjoy the adventures life will bring them.

2.   I have never, nor WILL I ever look like a young, "daytime" Princess Fiona, because it's just not in the cards (or genes, or DNA, or whatever). I will always be round, and acceptance and love of my own body shape is where I'll find real happiness. Let's just get it to a realistic, healthy level.

3.   I need to find AND embrace a program that will help me define, and reach, my goals. Since I clearly cannot do this alone, the feeling of community and acceptance at Breathingroom really appeals to the 'social animal' in me, the part of me that needs camaraderie and fellowship to nurture my sense of well-being.

Let's face it - I'm a marshmallow who dreams of being a hardbody. But it just ain't gonna happen. So, I'll find my personal best. That may be kayaking without being rescued (because I'm too out of shape to paddle in myself), exercising without feeling like passing out, or hiking Mount Tam in 4 hours instead of 6. I'll strive to find my own pace, embrace the process and hopefully - live to write about it. Hah!

So, check back often as I share the good, bad, and indifferent. By doing so, I hope to inspire and be inspired... Laugh and make you laugh ... Oh ... and for the record, I'm not brave enough to post any weight or measurements (yet). That will come after I've survived my first few workouts - maybe!